When the holidays roll around, many people think of their family traditions: everyone sitting around the table, opening gifts together, and just having the whole family together to celebrate. While for many people, holidays are an exciting and happy time to spend with family, some people don’t see them that way. For some, holidays are an unwanted reminder of an absent family member, someone who has passed away, or a stressful time overall. Holidays can be a happy time for some and a hard time for others.
For families who have experienced loss, holidays can take a toll on them. An empty chair at the dinner table can be a painful reminder of someone who isn’t there to celebrate. While families want to enjoy the joyful holidays, they have a bittersweet reminder of their lost loved ones. Families experiencing grief may have difficulty celebrating and finding the same joy in holidays they may have experienced years in the past. To them, small moments that used to be filled with laughter like decorating the tree or doing certain traditions are now filled with the pain of someone who is no longer with them. With all of this, many families may feel the pressure to “move on” or to try and be festive. This pressure can make someone feel as though it is hard to express their grief without being judged. Some may feel the opposite though. They may feel as though showing their emotions will take away from others’ joy and spoil the holiday for them, which can lead to more stress.
Apart from losing a loved one, divorce can be something that makes holiday gatherings a bit more tense. The different schedules to spend time with both sides of the family and overall trying to navigate the emotions can contribute to stress making the holidays a dreaded event instead of something to look forward to. Recent divorces can bring up unique circumstances. Where the holidays are usually a time of togetherness, some may feel a split between the family and have a hard time adjusting. For children, this can be especially hard. They can feel a split between their parents and families especially when both sides of the family want to do something on the same day and the same time. Trying to figure out all the details along with the emotions involved in the situations, can make the holidays a hard time for everyone involved. Many families end up creating a schedule for both sides of the family so that the children can celebrate with all of their family. Some children may feel at times that this is overwhelming and sometimes even exhausting. For these children, there can also be a lost sense of stability. The usual routine they have for each holiday is now changing and just one of the other new things they must pile on top of their new lifestyle.
Even families without recent losses can struggle during the holidays because of the financial burden. The cost of gift-giving and travel quickly add up causing stress for parents who want to give their kids the best holiday possible but are struggling to make ends meet. Another large factor that contributes to this is social media. Social media gives us a look into people’s lives and shows us other people’s amazing holidays and how they spend them. For some this creates an idea that they have to keep up with what they see on Social media, they feel pressure to meet expectations.
With all of this in mind, mental health issues around the holidays can be another issue for people. Feelings of loneliness, anxiety, and depression during all of these holiday struggles, can be at all-time highs. While the world around them is celebrating with friends and family, people who are experiencing mental health issues may be feeling isolated and the pressure of trying to be festive can add to this. One of the reasons why mental health may be at its peak during the holiday season is because of the pressure associated with family gatherings. Family gatherings can intensify unresolved problems and strained relationships, which causes anxiety. Being around relatives you don’t often see can bring up old issues making these family events feel more like an obligation than a celebration. For some instead of a happy time, they are walking on eggshells to try and keep the peace and avoid conflict.
With these upcoming holidays let’s keep in mind that not everyone may feel so festive. If you’re someone who enjoys holidays, consider reaching out to someone who you know struggles with holidays. If you’re someone who struggles with this time of year, know that you aren’t alone. With the holiday season being happy and confusing all at once, it is okay to feel both.
