Cummings for President


Isabella Rosette, Staff Writer

Have you ever stopped to wonder what exactly our government has come to? Maybe you’ve taken a step back and witnessed the chaos that ensues during every single presidential debate. The constant arguing between Democrats and Republicans, the tension, where does it end?
Well, in 2024, things are about to change.
Mr. Glenn Cummings and Mr. Jack Bunnenberg have both announced their plans to run in the 2024 Presidential Election. Cummings will be running for the presidential spot while Bunnenberg will run alongside him as his vice-presidential candidate. According to Cummings, while both he and Bunnenberg are no better than half a candidate on their own, together they make a good candidate for the election.
Firstly, we focus on Mr. Glenn Cummings: former Advanced Placement U.S. Government teacher turned presidential candidate. His cause for running in the election is simple. He claims that while he and Bunnenberg may not be able to do a better job in the office, they certainly couldn’t do worse.
Cummings was quite straightforward with his campaign strategies, stating that he would like to meet as many voters as possible and take them all for a ride on his yacht, in an effort to persuade voters in his direction.
“I plan on paying all of my voters up to $20 a piece, but if it takes less, I’ll pay less,” he said.
Bunnenberg shared the same sentiment, stating that there will be kickbacks and bribes when it comes to the voter. Oh, and candy. Bunnenberg stated that lots of candy would be involved to help them win the votes of the people.
Next, we focus on Mr. Jack Bunnenberg: English teacher turned vice presidential candidate. While it seems as if Bunnenberg simply joined the candidacy with his good friend, his reason for running alongside Cummings may be a bit darker than you may think.
“He’s getting up there in years, so there’s a chance I become the president,” he said, unfazed throughout the interview. “I figured I would attach my wagon to his star.”
Regardless of the underlying ulterior motives Bunnenberg has running with Cummings, the two of them seem like the right candidates for the job, Cummings saying that the first thing he wants to institute if he wins the office, is have pizza every night for dinner in the White House.
When you vote in the 2024 election, just remember, Cummings and Bunnenberg 2024: There Will Be Bribes.